One year ago exactly, I was wrapping up one of the most incredible SWAT weekends I was blessed enough to coordinate. It was in East Ellijay, and boy, the whole week leading up to the weekend was crazy. I had several leaders drop out 1-2 days before, and through talking with leaders on the weekend I saw how almost every one had experienced severe spiritual warfare in that week. I was no different.
Last March could be classified as a month of storms for me, and ironically so can this March. Both have been marked by death, frustration, uncertainty, anxiety over the future, loneliness, discouragement, sickness, and even small daily inconveniences adding up. Both were months I felt robbed of joy, months where God was quiet and I was waiting. Both months still had good days and brighter points, but overall they've been months where I just really needed to see the Lord in the waiting.
Back to East Ellijay...last March I still did not know that I was going to be in Italy this year. Plans after graduation were at the forefront of my prayer life, but God had things He was teaching me in the waiting. With the two options at that point I was feeling pulled towards, Italy and staying with SWAT, I knew I would need to raise support for this year. Independent, self-sufficient Chelsea did not want to raise support. I was fighting God pretty hard on that one, struggling with unbelief and running scenarios through my head on different ways I could make enough money to live on solely by working over the summer (completely unrealistic).
When all the leaders finally arrived in East Ellijay on Friday afternoon before we went to meet the students, our meeting was terrible. Various circumstances cut into our allotted time for corporate prayer, the most important thing to do before going to love teenagers like Jesus. There was a spirit of discouragement hanging around the room, and it was by far the least peppy send off into a weekend I've ever seen..my fault, as the coordinator. I remember feeling so frustrated that the enemy was still interfering with my precious SWAT leaders, and in turn, the hungry students on that weekend. That night I fell asleep praying that the Lord would not allow Satan any more room into the weekend, that all the opposition was only a sign of the greater things God had in store for us...
That Saturday night, March 26th, 2011, is a night I hope I will remember the rest of my life. Saturday morning and afternoon went smoothly, normal as far as SWAT weekends go. Leaders had started bonding with their groups, programs were close to schedule, the youth pastors were happy...it was good. Or so we thought, until we saw what God means by GOOD. Saturday night, after the speaker finished, the Holy Spirit did not. The meeting room with over 400 people was on fire. It was one of the closest pictures I think I will ever see of heaven while I'm on earth. I still remember each leader I encountered during that time of worship, the worship that extended far beyond when students were "supposed to" return to their homes. I still remember the looks on faces of all ages, everything from amazement to thanksgiving to repentance to humility to awe to sheer joy. There was a time I thought the floor might collapse from the weight of people dancing, jumping, falling to their faces all over the place. Without a doubt, Satan had been giving his all to disheartening all of us and attacking our students in his best attempt to undermine what God wanted to do, but God is bigger. "God," I wrote in my prayer journal that night, "You are alive, and You are moving....It's almost laughable now, all the warfare before-You always win!!"
The next morning, it didn't stop. One on one times with students after that service were wonderful, from the stories I heard. The Sunday morning service we attended at a Southern Baptist church yet again, was met by the Spirit...and I loved how the worship pastor stepped back, and allowed the students to listen to Him and keep going as they were moved. I'm so thankful they did, because God met me yet again that morning, and broke me free from my fears about provision for the next year. I committed to the Lord that morning, March 27th, I would live off support. I didn't know what I would be doing, where He was leading, but I knew He would raise support, He would do the work, and He would provide, because I am His child and He loves me.
After church most of the SWAT leaders went to a local Zaxby's, oh how I miss it. As I was saying goodbye to Jona, a dear friend of mine, I told her I was going to live off support next (this) year. She gave me $10, and said God would multiply it. Well Jona...you were right. He did, and He is still. That $10 bill is now in my room here in Rome.
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| a beautiful reminder, every time I see it! |
So here's the thing: I'm in Rome, a year later. A year later, I'm uncertain yet again what I'm doing after this point right now. A year later, I'm praying for breakthroughs with the Lord. A year later, I'm asking God to make a way, wherever and whatever that way may be. The difference? God has shown me over the last year that He is always faithful. He's provided for me in every sense. He's given me the desires of my heart over this year, including desires I didn't even know I had until they were placed in my hand. Now, God has been taking care of me for a long time, years before that weekend in East Ellijay. I was just too doubtful to believe He would keep doing it, and even more, that He wanted to give me the things I asked for in accordance to His will (1st John 5:14-15).
Yesterday afternoon I went to a nearby park for some time alone and away with my Savior, as my sweet friend Melissa suggested. A change of scenery really does help, especially when that change puts us in the midst of His creation. I laughed when He led me to this verse in Numbers:
"God is not a man, that He should lie,
nor a son of man, that He should change His mind.
Does He speak and then not act?
Does He promise and not fulfill?"
-Numbers 23:19
No Lord...no, You do not. You speak, then act. You promise, then fulfill. You delight in giving good gifts to Your children, the best gift of all being Your presence and Your voice.
Just as a closing encouragement, whatever it is you need now...guidance, financial provision, companionship, wisdom, patience, the list could go on and on...bring it our Father. He's a good Dad, and He loves to provide for His children (Matthew 7:7-11). He likes when we ask Him for what we desire, even though He knows better than us what we need, because He wants us to be honest in our relationship with Him. He likes when we ask, so He can be glorified all the more when He answers! He is faithful, always faithful.
That is absolutely one of my favorite verses! It has been a great comfort to me many a time! Love you!
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